Dating: Faster Isn't Always Better

BYU-I-Do is a common nickname given to my school, Brigham Young University Idaho, because of the extraordinary amount of people going from single, to couple, to married. Really, there's a lot. I hear guys walking through campus with an excited tremor in their voice as they finalize plans on the phone with their best buddy for the one's upcoming proposal; I see the stereotypical couples in porter park where the guys play love songs on their guitar as the girls dreamily gaze into his eyes, dreaming of eternity together.... The trend is very much to shoot through the dating stages like a soaped up five year old on a slip-n-slide racing towards the finish line of marriage, which, while it may be efficient, it may not be effective in the sense of accomplishing the purposes of dating and courtship. Contrary to the belief of anyone driving a sports car, faster isn't always better.

In fact, dating has become very unefficient and ineffective. Part of the contributing factor to this is that the existence of casual dating is declining. Replacing it is the phenomenon of hanging out, which I like to compare to a herd of hyperactive children with ill functioning frontal lobes and a DVD player. In other words, hanging out has poor decision making, problem solving, and emotional skills, along with an inability to stay committed to focusing on one thing for too long. Oh, and the DVD player, half the time hanging out turns into watching Nacho Libre for the fourth time that month. After all, what's a better non-planned, unprepared activity then staring at a screen together for two hours strait? That's a bonding activity right there. You know your relationship with your significant other is deep when you two can turn star wars on mute and perfectly voice over the whole thing.

Okay, okay, I know. I'm getting to be sardonic. 

Let's move on to the three P's of dating: paid, planned, and prepared. The raw basics of dating, this is everything that hanging out is not. Girls, think about it; marriage is the end goal of dating right? Well if he's not showing signs of planning, paying (there's nothing more frustrating than going to a dinner date with a guy when he asks you to take the bill at the end), or preparing now then what is he going to be like after marriage? He doesn't sound very responsible at all. Dating is a time where we as girls get to see what he has to offer in terms of being a good husband, father, provider, and protector. You don't get to see these attributes when you're in the herd mentality of hanging out, but rather, you're going to see each other acting, or not, in these areas when dating. 

The definition of dating has morphed and become strangely deformed, while the term "courtship" has become virtually non existent. We go from hanging out, to going on dates, to dating, to engaged, to marriage. The problem is in the first half. (Let's just cut hanging out from the equation) going on dates turns so quickly into a relationship that you hardly know the person you're making a commitment to, and the relationship becomes the place where you get to know the person. What? Studies have shown that the more women make that strong emotional attachment and then break from it, the harder it is for them to make those attachments in the future. Obviously this is not how we were designed to go about finding our eternal companion. Instead, if we first date casually for a longer period of time, using this as an opportunity to get to know that other person, spending time with them, talking to them, and doing many different activities with them, we'll be more prepared and better able to make a wise decision of whether or not we want to attach to this person. You find out before you make a premature commitment if this person is someone you really do want to trust and rely on. Then you're ready for courtship, then engagement, then marriage.

I could spend pages on the topic of dating, there's just so much! But to spare your eyes from tiring any more I'll wrap things up, and I'll even attempt to do it without sarcasm! ...if I can.... Dating is an important part of finding a spouse, but within that, dating properly is even more important. It saves from heartbreak, emotional distress, even improves the quality of your future relationship. So don't be like that hyperactive, soaped up five year old who charges down a slip-n-slide, DVD player in tow. Rather, take a carousel ride. If this person is important to you, wouldn't you rather take the steps, patience though they may take, to ensure the well being of the relationship?